BEYONCE AND JAY-Z NAME BABY GIRL “BLUE IVY”: They look forward to the day when she fights Batman.

METALLICA IS PLANNING A 3-D FILM: Headbangers will need straps for their 3-D glasses.

ALEC BALDWIN RETURNS TO TWITTER: Or as he calls it, “Curse Words With Friends.”

BRAD PITT USES CANE ON RED CARPET: He was followed by Angie, their kids and several Oompa Loompas.

PRINCE WILLIAM, KATE ATTEND “WAR HORSE” PREMIERE: Will thought it was a movie about his step-mother.

E-BOOK SALES SURGE AFTER HOLIDAYS: The top seller: “How to Avoid Another Holiday With Your Family.”

TWINKIES MAKER HOSTESS FILES FOR BANKRUPTCY: Their products will last several centuries beyond the company.

NEW YORK CITY OPERA ANNOUNCES MUSICIAN LOCKOUT: It’s not over until the fat lady crosses the picket line.

TIM TEBOW SHOCKS STEELERS IN OVERTIME WITH PASSING PERFORMANCE: Ben Roethlisberger goes back to making passes at college bars.

KIEFER SUTHERLAND SAYS “24” MOVIE STARTS SHOOTING THIS SPRING: Looks forward to seeing old friends and torturing them with a lamp cord.

SNOOP DOGG ARRESTED IN TEXAS FOR MARIJUANA POSSESSION: Willie Nelson slipped off the bus just in time.

LINDSAY LOHAN IN TALKS TO PLAY ELIZABETH TAYLOR: In this telling, Liz will drink Richard Burton under the table.

STUDY SAYS MARIJUANA SMOKE NOT AS DAMAGING AS TOBACCO: Marlboro Man asks Snoop Dogg to pass him the joint.

KATY PERRY BACKS OUT OF PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS: She found out she was nominated for “Most Likely Failed Marriage.”

EX-CHILD STAR KRISTY McNICOL COMES OUT AS A LESBIAN: Her resemblance to Peppermint Patty was a giveaway.

SKECHERS SUPER BOWL AD TO FEATURE DOG, NOT KIM KARDASHIAN: The dog was better at taking direction.

— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, TERRY MORRIS