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Which wine cliche would YOU ban?
Perhaps you too will get a nice chuckle from this clever little column in the Napa Register entitled “A new government agency will regulate cliches on back label copy.”
If ONLY.
Author Ed Schwartz mentions my number 1 contender, the tried-and-true (cliche intended) claim that the wine is “Delicious now, but will age fabulously for many years.” I’m not saying it’s impossible. I’m saying the handful of wines those words may truthfully describe are NEVER the wines that have those words on their label.
I’d also nominate the variations on the “elegant yet full-bodied” or “subtle yet voluptuous” theme — those oxymoronic descriptions that contradict with reckless abandon. And the marketing campaigns that imply grandpa made each tiny batch down in his cellar that are too often slapped on a wine that is made in quantities that would make an oil refinery blush.
Ahh, marketing.
Which wine cliche would you ban?
Mark Fisher
P.S. And a tip of the cap to Nancy Bentley for finding this little gem …
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Comments
By Lenny Pepperidge
May 4, 2008 12:51 PM | Link to this
Any word, phrase or comment insinuating that winemakers are “artists” or “geniuses.” I’m talking about you, Napa Valley. There are geniuses in the world, but they are at Fermilab studying string theory or at Harvard trying to cure cancer or at Cambridge studying the origins of the universe. They are most definitely NOT in Napa Valley producing me a beverage!By Steve
May 1, 2008 9:46 AM | Link to this
Before banning anything, I would do first what lawmakers should always do first and enforce the existing laws!!! I have tested a great number of wines that are 1.5% away from what is printed on the label. Now, knowing a wine is 14.5% or 16% tells a consumer plenty about the style of wine- no cliche needed! If I were in charge, the percent would have to be within .1% of what’s printed, not 1.5%. Funny story, I was enjoying a glass of Big House White the other day and for kicks threw in a couple ounces of vodka as an experiment- it turned my refreshing wine into a wine much like a powerhouse Central Coast Viognier at 17% So, case in point- wine style and flavor profiles and uses for the wine can be predicted quite well by alcohol percent.By Richard Shaffer
April 30, 2008 8:59 PM | Link to this
“bouquet” “full-bodied”By Nancy
April 29, 2008 8:11 PM | Link to this
There has been some copy about “serve as an aperitif”. The funny thing is we once had a wine label rejected when we said “serve as an aperitif wine”. “Aperitifs” are higher in alcohol than normal still wines. The federal government made us change the label to “serve as you WOULD an aperitif wine”!! LOL.By Jim T
April 29, 2008 7:38 PM | Link to this
Why not just require that Randy Graham write the back label for every wine. Going to the wine store would be as great as going to the library.By Arthur
April 29, 2008 3:20 PM | Link to this
It’s not just single words or phrases. Somethimes the whole “STORY” of the wine is just too rich: http://www.redwinebuzz.com/handcrafted.PNG Arthur Przebinda redwinebuzz.comBy MJ
April 29, 2008 2:36 PM | Link to this
Funny I was just talking about this the other day when it comes to back labels and my new pet peeve…when suggesting food pairings, the label reads, “perfect as an aperitif or with…” same starter for every varietal, Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, Syrah, or whatever…I guess they think they will be losing the “cocktail” wine drinker if they don’t always start it with that statement. Who would want a Syrah as an aperitif?By Lee
April 29, 2008 12:59 PM | Link to this
I would ban, “award winning” and “hand crafted!” Don’t you think these are a bit over done by now? Nine out of ten wine descriptions use these two phrases. It is beginning to sound like white noise.By chiefwino
April 29, 2008 12:54 PM | Link to this
Almost forgot-While we are at it, how about looking at the front label? No more mythical, multicolored animals or any variation of “red” truck/bike/tractor/wagon/skateboard/barn/shed/etc.By chiefwino
April 29, 2008 12:45 PM | Link to this
My suggestions: “Goes great with seafood” - must be an amazing wine if will pair equally well with blackened cajun catfish or poached sole. Same goes for “good match for chicken” - BBQ or noodle soup. Also wineries should be required to change the description on the back label at least every 3 vintages to account for climatic changes or global warming. Also ban any comments about the winemaker/owner spending years finding the best place on the planet to plant grape “x” that no one else has discovered in the last 400 years. Stop all claims that the winery is following the tradition/memory of some long dead relative from the old country (even though they are using different grapes in a different terrior).By TBill
April 29, 2008 9:35 AM | Link to this
Don’t know if these cliches are what you mean but: the idea that the more ridiculous the name of the winery, the better the wine. Or that reds only go with beef, whites with fish, etc. Or that a wine has to be a certain age to be at its prime.