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Monday, December 29, 2008
How to stop the talker at movies: SHOOT him!
At one time or another - heck, at many times, even, most of us have wanted to do something really nasty to someone who annoyed us at the movies.
Well, over the weekend in Philadelphia, somebody did. At a showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, a man became so enraged at somebody gabbing during the movie, he actually shot him - in the city of Brotherly Love, no less.
I imagine in some people this will prompt a dual reaction, like so:
(Angel appears on left shoulder to the sound of harps strumming)
“Oh my, that’s terrible. Maybe what the man did was wrong, but the other man did not have to shoot him. He should be punished, and I hope the injured man will be all right.”
But then:
(Devil appears on right shoulder in puff of smoke to the sound of frightening minor chords)
“Don’t listen to that CHUMP! The guy had it comin’! Finally, some real justice - they should all be shot! MWAH-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!”
Jeffrey Wells at Hollywood Elsewhere had this novel solution: “If theatres were to sell squirt guns at the kiosk along with popcorn and drinks, far fewer people would talk during movies, for obvious reasons. Just as (and I don’t want to give the wrong impression by saying this) if people were getting shot for talking in theatres with some regularity — say, two or three times a month nationwide — you know that talking in theatres would all but cease. I’m just saying.”
What Wells doesn’t suggest is how to fill the squirt guns: Hot sauce to aim for the eyes? Hydrochloric acid? Bodily fluids? (Apologies to those who are eating lunch).
In all seriousness, what do you think is the best way to deal with talkers and other disturbers of the peace at movies?
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