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Wednesday, June 4, 2008
They’re making another one of THOSE?
A colleague of mine pointed to me to a movie site called Den of Geek, which compiled two lists of upcoming sequels. I thought it would be fun to fire back with pithy reactions to list one and list two.
These projects are in various stages of development, ranging from an idea to shooting happening as we read. Some will be theatrical, others will end up on DVD only. Here’s more proof that Hollywood really is that lazy.
In no particular order.
Aliens vs Predator 3: Oh hell no.
The Brazilian Job: Follow up to The Italian Job with Jason Statham, Mos Def, Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron all attached, as is director F Gary Gray. Hey, the first one was fun, I actually like this idea.
I, Robot 2: Did anyone really LOVE the first movie?
I Am Legend 2: Ummm …. those who have seen the prior film will understand this question: HOW?
Beverly Hills Cop 4: This is legit. Brett Ratner is attached to direct, and an increasingly desperate Eddie Murphy is starring. I remembered when I looked forward to his movies.
National Treasure 3: Ugh. Pleasantly surprised by the first, unpleasantly surprised by the second. I’m not eager.
Cars 2: The first was Pixar’s least good movie, but I have faith in Pixar.
Toy Story 3: Again, faith in Pixar. After all, Toy Story 2 was better than the first.
Jeepers Creepers 3: Direct to DVD - I hope.
Shrek 5: I knew Shrek Goes Fourth was a go, but this? Shrek the Third was just barely amusing. Can’t imagine what a fourth would be like, much less a fifth.
Night at the Museum 2: This is being shot now, with the Smithsonian’s active cooperation. I didn’t care for the first, but Amy Adams is in the sequel playing Amelia Earhart, so I’m hopeful.
Crank 2: High Voltage: You mean Jason Statham lived after the first one, which I never did see? Never woulda guessed!
Transporter 3: Outta Gas.
Super Troopers 2: Only if the cops make me. And then I would sue for cruel and unusual punishment.
Silent Hill 2: I say Sony has the right to remain silent on any more of these.
The Descent 2: I really liked the first film, but Neil Marshall isn’t directing. Look out below.
The Grudge 3: I’ve got yer grudge.
Ice Age 3: I think this series is overrated, but I have to admit, the early ads are funny.
Ghost Rider 2: I though the first movie should have gone direct to video. This should too.
The Untouchables: Capone Rising: A prequel to the 1987 hit, and Brian De Palma is directing, but the man hasn’t made a truly satisfying movie in years.
The Thomas Crown Affair 2: Here’s the single weirdest credit of the lot: Paul Verhoeven is attached to direct.
The People Under The Stairs 2: The first was a scary surprise. I don’t expect to be surprised by any follow up.
Punisher: War Zone: I believe the first word of the title, at least.
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder: The first sequel was actually decent for direct-to-DVD fare. The writer of the first movie directed the third.
Pink Panther 2: Merde.
Ace Ventura 3: Because Dumb and Dumberer and Son of the Mask turned out SO well.
War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave: Directed by C Thomas Howell? Okaaaaayyy…
Jurassic Park 4: I’ll believe it when I see it.
Scary Movie 5/Saw 5: I say combine the two franchises. Then you can kill both off at the same time.
Rambo 5: Shoot me now.
Jack Ryan 5: Sam Raimi is directing, but I can’t muster much enthusiasm.
Alvin & The Chipmunks 2: Introducing the Chipettes, maybe?
Stigmata 2: Yawn.
Cliffhanger 2: Would be more interesting if it starred Wile E. Coyote.
It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World: Shouldn’t it be called It’s A Madder Madder Madder Madder Madder World?
The Ring 3: Hasn’t Japanese-American PG-13 horror been over since the second one came out?
Open Season 2: Hey, if they can make 4,597 Land Before Times, why not?
Final Destination 4: The first was a clever twist on the Dead Teenager Movie, but the cleverness has drained each time.
Superman: Man of Steel: This is one I’m actually hoping for. I’m in the minority that really enjoyed Superman Returns.
Fast and the Furious 4: Oh yay! Vin Diesel and Paul Walker are back! Now where did I put my tickets to Siberia …
Underworld 3: Rhona Mitra takes over for Kate Beckinsale. Tells ya all ya need to know right there.
The Scorpion King: Rise of the Akkadian: Isn’t it bad enough we have a third Mummy movie in July?
Point Break 2: The first has a following. Kinda doubt the second would.
Inside Man 2: Loved the first film, but I don’t see the need.
Baby Geniuses 3: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Little Fockers: Oof. I thought other critics were too hard on the sequel, but babies always ruin popular franchises.
Step Up 3-D: Hey, the second movie won an MTV movie award!
Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li: Starring Chris Klein and Michael Clarke Duncan, who really need better agents.
Spawn 2: (snore)
Boogeyman 3: (snore)
Vacancy 2 :(snore)
Jumper 2: Curse you, international box office!
Into The Blue 2: If they can actually find actors who are less two-dimensional than Paul Walker and Jessica Alba, that’ll be a feat.
And there’s more where THAT came from. Coming soon on this blog: A reaction to upcoming movies based on TV shows.
For now, what do you think of this lot? Any you’re actually anxious to see?
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