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Thursday, May 1, 2008
August’s Summer Movies: Mummies, clones n such
When it comes to the month of August, summer movies are like short-distance runners. They start strong, then taper off by the time kids go back to school. Here are this year’s diminishing returns.
And here are my overviews of May, June and July’s movies. I will post my review of Iron Man tomorrow morning. So here’s a teaser: It’s great - at times.
AUGUST 1
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
The lowdown: Brendan Fraser is back but Rachel Weisz is not as the “lite’ Indy Jones joins forces with Maria Bello to fight baddies played by Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh.
The box office: $100 million
The forecast: Decent cast, lousy director. The helmsman this time is Rob Cohen, who almost makes previous director Stephen Sommers look like an artiste. The man has exactly one good movie under his belt: the coincidentally titled Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. Is it just me or is there not much of a clamor for this series to return?
The prospect: C
The lowdown: Rainn Wilson and Christina Applegate star in the story of a failed drama who gets another shot at the limelight.From the director of The Full Monty.
The box office: $20 million
The forecast: Some good actors, but I really have no read on this one.
The prospect: C
The lowdown: The result of the presidential election comes down to one man’s vote. Kevin Costner and Kelsey Grammer star.
The box office: $40 million
The forecast: Why pay to see this when we can watch at home for free this election year?
The prospect: C
AUGUST 8
The lowdown: A stoner (Seth Rogen) sees a corrupt cop commit a murder, so he and his buddy (James Franco) flee the fuzz.
The box office: $90 million
The forecast: I’ve heard this described as what would happen if Brad Pitt’s character in True Romance got his own movie. And to top if all off, the Superbad authors have their script directed by indie auteur David Gordon Green (George Washington, All the Real Girls). Man. Can’t pass THAT up.
The prospect: A
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
The lowdown: The fabulous fitted foursome returns for another go-round of life and love. Despite the title, the film actually adapts the fourth book of the series.
The box office: $50 million
The forecast: The first movie was a charming little sleeper. And here’s the funny thing: In the first movie, Alexis Bledel (The Gilmore Girls) and Amber Tamblyn (Joan of Arcadia). Now the shoe is on the other foot, with America Ferrara topping Ugly Betty and Blake Lively starring in Gossip Girl. Whichever way things lean, it should be fun to see this group together again.
The prospect: B
AUGUST 15
The box office: $40 million
The lowdown: Clive Owen and Naomi Watts star in a thriller by Run Lola Run director Tom Tykwer.
The forecast: I’m sold.
The prospect: B
The lowdown: A mall security guard gets embroiled in a particular department store’s mirrors, which apparently cause very bad things to happen. Keifer Sutherland leads the cast.
The box office: $25 million
The forecast: It’s from the director of High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes remake, neither of which I’ve seen. Should I break a mirror and hope this movie gets seven years’ bad luck?
The prospect: C
The lowdown: It’s another Star Wars prequel! Only this time it’s CG animation!
The box office: $65 million
The forecast: Yeah, I know that’s low for a Star Wars movie, but I get the distinct impression that only the staunchest devotees will turn out for this one.
The prospect: B
The lowdown: Ben Stiller directs this war movie spoof about a group of actors shooting a war movie who get involved in a real battle. Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey, Jr. star.
The box office: $90 million
The forecast: Is this another bit of inspired lunacy like Zoolander or ambitious but muddled comedy like The Cable Guy? I’m leaning toward the former.
The prospect: B
The lowdown: A rebellious princess (Emma Roberts) is shipped off to a strict English boarding school by her father.
The box office: $35 million
The forecast: Didn’t Amanda Bynes star in this when it was called What a Girl Wants? One of these days, Roberts is going to get a decent lead vehicle, but I don’t think this is it.
The prospect: C
AUGUST 22
The lowdown: When a talk radio host (Uma Thurman) advises one of her listeners to break up with her boyfriend the ex sets about getting his revenge.
The box office: $25 million
The forecast: Hard to read the pulse on this one. The director is Griffin Dunne, who has a spotty resume. Maybe, maybe not.
The prospect: C
The lowdown: Nicolas Cage tries on his low rent action chops in a film by cult directors the Pang brothers, who have yet to break out here.
The box office: $30 million
The forecast: Can’t be that much dopier than Ghost Rider … can it?
The prospect: D
The lowdown: The story of flies who tagged along on Apollo 11.
The box office: $20 million
The forecast: Zany idea, but that’s not enough, even if Buzz Aldrin did do a voice.
The prospect: C
The lowdown: A Playboy bunny (Anna Faris) who was recently kicked out of the mansion becomes the new house mother for a sorority in jeopardy.
The box office: $50-$60 million
The forecast: The writers of Legally Blonde must have a thing for bunnies. On the plus side: Anna Faris has always been fun to watch, even in mediocre movies. On the negative side: It’s from Adam Sandler’s production company, which has yet to release a Sandler-less product that doesn’t induce the gag reflex. At least Rob Schneider’s not in it.
The prospect: C, maybe B if I’m feeling charitable and am swayed by the presence of American Idol’s Katharine McPhee, who plays a pregnant hippie (!)
AUGUST 29
The lowdown: A mercenary (Vin Diesel) must escort a woman out who carrying a synthetic virus — that could bring about the end of humankind.
The box office: $40 million
The forecast: Funny, I always thought Diesel was the virus that could bring about the end of humankind.
The prospect: D
The lowdown: A high school drama teacher tries to bring a Shakespearian sequel to the stage despite disinterested students, budget cuts, and his own lack of talent.
The box office: $10-$15 million.
The forecast: I caught the trailer for this recently and found it quite funny. And I have to say, any film that has Elisabeth Shue playing an “alternate future version” of herself at least his some imagination going for it.
The prospect: B
And that’s the summer folks! What’s worth seeing in theaters? Waiting for DVD? Skipping entirely?
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