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Are these movies really THAT bad?
On my vacation, I picked up a book called Fiasco - A History of Hollywood’s Iconic Flops, and it’s an extremely entertaining read. Chapter by chapter, author James Robert Parish chronicles one movie disaster after another.
In almost every case, problems that should have been obvious were allowed to mushroom with filmmakers blinded by greed, loyalty and plain old raging egos. And in every case, the stories of the movies’ unraveling are much more compelling than the movies themselves.
Sometimes the legend of disaster becomes so prevalent, that the films are actually better than their reputations. And sometimes the failure was wholeheartedly deserved.
Here are some of the titles Parrish covers, along with my takes:
Cleopatra (1963): I’ve not seen most of this one, but even the few minutes I’ve seen practically scream “BLOAT.” If you adjust for inflation, this is probably still the most expensive movie ever made.
Paint Your Wagon: I missed this when it played the classic movie series that used to be at Dayton’s Neon Movies, but I saw the trailer several times, and I cracked up every time I heard Marvin Lee croak “Wand’rin Star.”
The Wild Party: Also unseen by me, but the idea of Merchant Ivory making a sex romp just sounds … wrong.
Popeye: Doesn’t work, but it’s not as horrible as many make it out to be. At the very least, Shelley Duvall WAS Olive Oyl. But making Popeye not like spinach was a major goof.
Shanghai Surprise: So bad it brought Sean Penn down to Madonna’s level, performance-wise. Oof.
Last Action Hero: This should have been a fun 30-minute short, not an overstuffed 130-minute movie.
Cutthroat Island: Right now I’m just trying to imagine what this movie would be like if Johnny Depp were in it instead of Matthew Modine.
Showgirls: I saw this on opening day. The movie wasn’t 10 minutes old before Elizabeth Berkley pulled a knife on a guy. My best friend leaned over and said quietly, “We’re in trouble.” Yet director Paul Verhoeven to this day thinks it’s a good movie, bless his lecherous heart.
Waterworld: Too many critics reviewed the out-of-control budget rather than the movie, making it out to be much worse than it actually was. It doesn’t hold together, but the action scenes are quite watchable.
Parrish also covers The Chase, The Cotton Club, Ishtar, The Postman, Battlefield Earth and Town & Country. The book does not include Heaven’s Gate or The Bonfire of the Vanities. Those two films were such colossal failures they each warranted their own excellent books, Final Cut and The Devil’s Candy, respectively.
My question to you is, are these movies really that horrid? And what other movies stand out as massive failures to you?
Slam away!
Permalink | Comments (12) | Categories: Lists
Comments
By Rob
May 17, 2007 3:22 PM | Link to this
Heck, Punchdrunk is listed at #7 on my all-time favorite movies list.By SRCputt
May 17, 2007 9:45 AM | Link to this
I saw Cutthroat Island (which was directed by Harlin by the way Allie) in the theatre… and fell asleep. Paint Your Wagon gets my vote for the worst film musical of all time. Unfunny comic relief, unmemorable songs, dirty, ugly film to look at, and Lee Marvin simply cannot sing. Yikes. And of course, that was me making that comment to Eric about Showgirls. It didn’t help that we had just seen Seven, which I think is a masterpiece. I recently rewatched Popeye. Some interesting ideas, but ultimately Robert Altman was the wrong director for the project (though the cast tries hard).By Sir Critic
May 16, 2007 11:40 PM | Link to this
Gee .. and to think I put Punch-Drunk Love on my 10 best list for 2002! ;) Admittedly, it’s not for all tastes, especially not for those looking for an “Adam Sandler” movie, which this is not. It’s a Paul Thomas Anderson film that stars Adam Sandler. And he was quite good in it. Anderson’s unique, offbeat vision made it quite affecting and fascinating. I consider it an underrated film - but that’s a topic for another day!By Derwood
May 16, 2007 11:31 PM | Link to this
Out of those listed, “The Chase” is the only one I’ve enjoyed. Henry Rollins and Josh Mostel as cops chasing Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson. Add to that, Flea and Anthony Kiedis from Red Hot Chili Peppers as typical valley dudes. I especially enjoy the hilarious representation of LA news hounds chasing the two protagonists just as intently as the police. The irony is that this movie was released just a few months prior to the OJ chase through LA. Its remarkable how life imitated art in this case….By Mister G
May 16, 2007 11:30 PM | Link to this
The worst I’ve ever seen puts all the ones you’ve mentioned to shame: The Mask (1961), apparently the only Canadian 3-D film ever made. I can understand why they never made another; this one sucked for air. Another horrendously awful movie, worse than any Herschel Gordon Lewis movie, even, would be “Bloodsucking Freaks” aka “The Incredible Torture Show.” Purely awful in every respect. Then again, I get the idea you’re talking about “real” movies, in which case I’ll nominate “Pearl Harbor.” QED.By Lynn
May 16, 2007 6:00 PM | Link to this
The only movie that I saw completely then requested a refund was Punch Drunk Love. By the time I saw this movie, only about 25 people were in the theatre. We all stood up with puzzled looks on our faces. We couldn’t believe we had just sat through that entire movie.By Allie D.
May 16, 2007 5:00 PM | Link to this
BTW — I think it should now be safe to say that the title “The Chase” is cursed for movies. lolBy Allie D.
May 16, 2007 4:58 PM | Link to this
Thank you for clearing all that up! LOL!By Sir Critic
May 16, 2007 4:33 PM | Link to this
To answer your questions, Allie: The director of credit on Waterworld is Kevin Reynolds, who also made Costner’s Robin Hood movie. However, he and Costner reached the breaking point during Waterworld, and Costner reshaped the film. As for The Chase, you’re referring to the 1994 movie with Charlie Sheen. The book’s referring to a 1966 movie with Marlon Brando and Jane Fonda that went awry. Its producer, Sam Spiegel, usually had better instincts, with movies like “On the Waterfront” and “Lawrence of Arabia.” Different animals! ;)By Allie D
May 16, 2007 2:57 PM | Link to this
I was there, in the theater, watching Battlefield Earth, and I knew then that I had seen perhaps the worst movie ever made. Waterworld was bad, but it was at least watchable. Another really bad movie that I didn’t see listed there was Very Bad Things. That movie made me feel filthy. Interesting how two of the most horrible movies ever made feature Kevin Costner. Were actually directed by him, were they not? The Postman was. I know that Waterworld changed hands. Wasn’t it Renny Harlin (Geena Davis’ ex husband — Geena was also in Cutthroat Island. Too funny) who was originally on board to direct it? The Chase was horrid, especially given the sex scene. My god. Showgirls was horrifically bad but hilariously entertaining. Like a porno, only without the big payoff. lolBy Rob
May 16, 2007 2:27 PM | Link to this
Honestly, The Postman is one of my guilty pleasure movies.By mike
May 16, 2007 2:26 PM | Link to this
No. Popeye is that terrible.