Home > Blogs > Sir Critic on Cinema > Archives > 2006 > July > 21 > Entry
‘Lady in the Water’ drowns
I’m not going to give away the ending of M. Night Shyamalan’s Lady in the Water. However, I need to tell you about the ending of its preview screening this past Tuesday.
As the credits started to roll, many in the audience laughed derisively. One woman griped, “Can I have my time back?”
And me? I sat there dumbfounded, realizing I had just seen the worst movie of the summer, the worst movie Shyamalan has ever made and the movie that will sully his reputation for years to come.
Even if I had given away the ending of the film, it would not have mattered. There is no “twist” this time, unless you count the way Shyamalan has stuck his head so far up his own posterior, he has lost all sense of what entertains an audience.
I can explain how silly the whole enterprise is simply by recounting the plot. Cleveland Heep (Paul Giamatti), a superintendent at an apartment complex, hears strange splashes in the pool after hours. A trembling, sad-eyed waif (Bryce Dallas Howard) comes to his apartment. Her name is Story, and she is sort of a mermaid frightened of attacks by wolf-like creatures called scrunts. Story must find her defenders among the tenants so that an eagle named “the great eatlon” can take her away.
Still with me? I didn’t even talk about the little boy who can solve the mystery by decoding cereal boxes!
The fairy tale mythology is so muddled and patently absurd that after about a half hour, not only did I not understand what was going on, I didn’t care what was going on. Shyamalan should have at least done a quick Google search to realize that by naming a mermaid “narf,” he would make some cartoon fans in the audience respond, “Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering
Even if Shyamalan’s writing was not up to snuff in the past, his strong directing skills would redeem his movies. Not so this time. Fairy tales are supposed to create worlds that are enchanting, but much of this movie is, quite frankly, ugly. Many of the shots are self-consciously arty and pretentious. The director’s tendency to show a crowd scene with the speaker off camera is especially annoying.
The one thing that saved this movie from being a complete failure was the touching chemistry between Howard, who was the best thing about The Village, and the always watchable Giamatti. I very much wished that they were in a movie that deserved their performances.
As I explained yesterday, I’ve admired Shyamalan’s work up to now. I wasn’t out for the writer-director’s blood, because I don’t go to movies wanting to hate them. Instead, I watched sadly as Shyamalan slit his own wrists.
Shyamalan has said that he made this movie for his young daughters so he loves it no matter what. That’s an admirable sentiment, but he won’t be so sanguine when he realizes that Lady in the Water will change his name from a movie’s selling point to a warning.
Speaking of Shyamalan’;s kids, the movie’s dedication reads, “To my daughters. I will tell you this story one more time. Now go to bed.”
My response to Night: “No more bedtime stories, please. We movie audiences aren’t supposed to sleep. Now get over yourself.”
GRADE: D-
Permalink | Comments (8) | Categories: Reviews
Comments
By BrianW
July 24, 2006 10:48 PM | Link to this
I did not see Lady in the water because I was still recovering from The Village, I still remember how good the previews were and thinking this movie really looks scary, then after spending all that money to see it late at night I was really upset, I dont complain much but I was very close to asking for my money back because it sucked that bad, I told myself I would never see one of his movies again, looks like it was a good deal just from the reviews Ive heard, this guys reputation has to be hurting, that is two duds in a row and who would see another one of his films now? people got sucked into the village but look at the numbers compared to Lady in the water, people were not duped twice.By SRCputt
July 24, 2006 3:23 PM | Link to this
Now I get it! Those clever cross-promotional guys at Warner did a great job with this one. “Narf” is just an original way to get people excited that Pinky and the Brain season 1 comes out on DVD tomorrow. Clever!By SRCputt
July 21, 2006 2:35 PM | Link to this
You forgot to mention the three evil monkey-like creatures who live in the trees called the tartutic. And the opening of stick figures showing how our world was seperated from the blue world. And… aw, who cares, no one would believe it anyway.By SRCputt
July 21, 2006 2:27 PM | Link to this
At least a Google search on “narf” only comes up silly. Google “scrunt” and… well, let’s just say don’t Google scrunt at work and don’t let your kids do it either.By SRCputt
July 21, 2006 2:25 PM | Link to this
Sadly, Eric is being too kind. The primary difference between Plan 9 from Outer Space is the tech credits and acting are better in Lady. But the storytelling is about as credible. This film is one of the biggest disasters in terms of storytelling EVER.By Allie D.
July 21, 2006 12:38 PM | Link to this
Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!!! Wow! You know, I had low hopes for this movie, but I never would have thought they would even be THIS low. I do not think I will be wasting my money on this. I am absolutely astounded here. Let’s hope he can recover… Oh my…By Karen
July 21, 2006 12:25 PM | Link to this
And I thought The Village was sub-par! Sounds like another stinker. I must say, I’m not really impressed with his last couple of outings. Signs was OK, but only because I love looking at Mel Gibson, and The Village was a huge disappointment to me. Did I say HUGE disappointment? So I’m not wasting my money this time. I’ll wait for either the bargin movies or it coming out on cable.By Kei
July 21, 2006 11:07 AM | Link to this
Wow, just from what you’ve written about it, I can tell that it’s eve more horrible than what the trailers let on (although the one with Howard being carried off and shouting “RUN!” in an entirely too dramatic voice is always good for a laugh). It hasn’t been on my must see list ever since I first heard about it, but I’ll definitely won’t be making it now that I’ve heard that joke of a plotline. Oh, and bonus points for the “Pinky and the Brain” reference.